There should be a law against some “consensual” BDSM

(Warning: Sexually explicit theme)

I read the blog yesterday of a guy who calls himself a “dom”, on which there was a recent post by Allie, a woman who allows herself to be abused by him.

After work, she quickly entered a shop to buy a magazine. He found out about it. For that reason, she was, and is still, painfully punished. I would not go into the sexually explicit details of humiliation and punishment, but it is clear from her writings that she has a terrible self-image (she calls herself i, not I), cried of both pain and frustration today, and she is getting more and more disconnected from her feelings. (“Don’t ask me how i feel. He decides what i feel.”)

She claims she begged him to take charge of her.

Now don’t get me wrong. I believe there are “submissive” people in the world with a healthy self-esteem; who play rough but know that they are valued and valuable and not just an object; who can and do make many decisions of all sorts most of the time, but like time off when they leave decisions to the dominant partner; who still have several healthy human relationships. What they do in the bedroom is their business. But this woman is not one of them.

She may have started out saying something like:

I am a consensual adult. I choose to play rough.

But now she says:

 I i am a consensual adult an object. I i feel can’t say how i feel. I choose to play rough. He chooses for me.

This is not consensual. Whatever words the supporters want to coax it in, she went so far down the road that she, in her own words, is not a consensual adult any more. Her mental health is such that she needs protection. Exploiting a woman like that should fall in the same category as sexually abusing a child, or a mentally handicapped person. There ought to be a law against it.

Signs of good mental health	How Allie compares to it
A sense of contentment	While it is up to each sub how much contentment she feels, this one spoke of rage over being denied a simple pleasure like a magazine, of tears of both pain and frustration.
A zest for living and the ability to laugh and have fun.	Not even knowing her feelings, but letting someone else decide what she feels.
The ability to deal with stress and bounce back from adversity.	Stress and fear is certainly experienced in a relationship like this, but does she bounce back from adversity? Staying in a relationship with the person who cause adversity, allowing him to cause more pain, is certainly not bouncing back.
A sense of meaning and purpose, in both their activities and their relationships.	Describing herself as having no more purpose than being a sex toy. (For me, this is the most tragic part- denying that she have any higher purpose than existing for someone’s sexual pleasure, denying that she is more than an animal.)
The flexibility to learn new things and adapt to change.	I am incapable of commenting on her ability in this.
A balance between work and play, rest and activity, etc.	Being unable/ unwilling to make decisions over work and play, leaving them to the dom. Gratitous overwork like stacking and unstacking concrete blocks, or extended periods of doing literally nothing – neither working nor playing, but just waiting to be released from bondage.
The ability to build and maintain fulfilling relationships.	Being isolated from other relationships, having a sexually fulfilling – or frustrating, depending on the dom – relationship that does not build the self-esteem, intellectual or other needs of the sub.
Self-confidence and high self-esteem.	Referring to herself as nothing more than 3 holes, as shit, as i without a capital letter.

By the way, the mental health article I link to also mention “learned helplessness” as a factor that can compromise mental and emotional health.

People like Allie (apparently an intelligent woman, by the way she can verbalize her thoughts on the internet) are mentally ill to a level that need intervention. And someone who would exploit someone so clearly not accountable for her own actions, and break her down further, deserves jail time. The same way that there are laws against sexually using the seriously mentally handicapped, women like this need that past consent to some lifestyles should not count, when you no longer are allowed to have a say. Perhaps this should, like child abuse is in some countries, a mandatory reporting crime for those who know about it?

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PS: Comments that link to BDSM or DD sites will not be published. On this site, I am the “dom”, and your comments are submitted to me.

(After the Seafarer comment, small edits were made to emphasize that this should not be regarded as consensual.)