I am on the autism spectrum. Here is why I hate “Rain Man”

Rain man, by Leonore Fleischer,, is in some ways a really good book. If it wasn’t nobody would have made a major movie from it. I think she puts excellent character development into Charlie, the allistic (non-autistic) brother.
The way the people in the book respond to Raymond (“Rain Man”) is often an accurate portrayal of how society looks at autistics and others who are different. The book also shows an institutionalized autistic man connecting to someone, and having some moments of success outside his institution. What is not to love, if you are autistic?

Plenty. Continue reading

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Women cannot help transwomen with safe spaces

Women, as a group, cannot help transwomen, as a group, with safe spaces. I don’t say we should not – I say we could not. We are unable to do it. It is an impossible pursuit. It is an oxymoron, like a square circle.

Safe spaces for women

Sure, some individual woman somewhere can provide some individual trans-identified male with a safe space in her home. The world won’t fall apart, and it may often be the right thing to do. But letting trans women into female prisons, shelters, and locker rooms, “for their safety” would not work, long-term. Here is why not. Continue reading

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Why most women are not “cisgender”- and why it matters

I am an administrator of a Facebook group which discuss how women are treated in the church, and how to understand the Bible on the topic. Our main issues in the group are misusing the Bible to say women should one-sidedly submit to men, messages that women should not preach or men should not learn from them, and limiting both sexes to gender roles.

In short, since gender means the socially constructed characteristics of women and men – such as norms, roles, and relationships of and between groups of women and men” (defined by the World Health Organisation), the group is all about discussing gender. And since gender is usually a hierarchy, with men on top and women below, our main readership is church women who need to know they can respect the Bible without yielding to male oppression.
A new member recently told us that “cisgender” people did not have the right to discuss gender, it is firstly a transgender issue. I told her that gender is everyone’s issue since everyone has gendered expectations on them. I could also have said is that women are affected more negatively than men by gendered expectations. I could even have said that I am not cisgender, and by her own standards, this means that my opinion should matter.

(Since then, this woman chose to remove herself from the group. Which is fine – if she wants to hear mainly trans individuals discuss gender, and our group discusses gender in another way, she would fit in better somewhere else.)

Why, then, do I believe most women are not “cisgender”? Simple.

Cis means “this side of”. Trans means “on the other side of”. To be cis, you need two things on the same side. For example, there used to be two Southern African nominally independent states called “Ciskei” and “Transkei”. These states were on either side of the Kei river. When naming Ciskei, the 1) name-giver and 2) the country of Ciskei were on one side of the Kei river. When naming Transkei, the 1) name-giver and 2) the country of Transkei were on different sides of the Kei river.

Transgender people say their biological sex and their gender are on different sides. They may be, for example, biologically male and yet have a female gender identity. Measuring by whatever other things, besides their body, according to which they call people male or female, they are (or regard themselves as) female. (There are also intersex people and non-binary genders.)

Cisgender people have Continue reading

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Does BDSM give society wise messages about consent?

There is more than one way to diminish the importance of something. Compare:

a) “Money is unimportant, don’t complain about your poverty.”

b) “Money is very important. I will give you 5 cents – then stop complaining about your poverty.” Continue reading

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How to support truth and justice in a he said/ she said rape accusation


“I hear stories of high-profile rape accusations, or of men around me accused of rape. How do I respect the facts in a he said/ she said story?”


Start by asking who you are, and what your responsibility towards the world is. If you are a judge in criminal court by law, it is your responsibility to go by “innocent until proven guilty”. In that case, you would not be asking me this and could skip this article.

You are not a criminal court judge, but ask this question? Good. You are at least concerned about justice and truth, and I am glad. I am, too. If so, “innocent until proven guilty” is not your job – this is a criminal court maxim that does not even count for civil court. Which is good news – if, for example, someone owes you money, you do not have to absolutely prove that he never paid it back. If it is more than 50% likely that your case is true, you are likely to win the case.

Going by what is most likely counts outside the courts too: In a case of a suspected criminal asking you as employer a job, or trusting someone with your daughter, or being friends with the accuser, you do not owe anyone anything. (Except for the human rights which you owe everyone not to violate – that you owe to both the accused and accuser.)

If you want to believe the truth and only the truth, first, ask yourself which statement is more likely:

Claim: “She say he did it. He say he did not. I have no way to see which is more likely.” Continue reading

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Why no decent person should call any other human being a “TERF’

I don’t know you, but I can guess a few things about you. The first is that you see yourself as a good person. Or perhaps a reasonably decent person, or a wonderful person. Whatever. The point is, on a scale of minus 5 for a really bad person, and plus 5 for a really good one, you would give yourself positive marks. Right-o.

Now, could I please give a few tips on how to be a decent person – upholding all that is kind and true and non-prejudiced, as I am sure that at least the better part of you want to be? Each point will be a reason to not call people TERFs (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists), and each point will end with a tip on how to act like the decent person you probably want to be.

Continue reading

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Doing all this electronic work makes me hungry, so I eat a lot’, he said elaborately. (e-labor-ate)

Is it morally right to take this road? Will I do good or harm to others by taking it’, she asked pathetically. (path-ethically)

One litre is just the right size for a bottle. I love liter bottles’, he said literally.

Did you know insects take acting lessons nowadays?’ she asked dramatically. Continue reading

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